beware, you may get what you dream of

 a long time ago, one december in a cold,cold country she called molvania, enidd wrote this:

“sometimes enidd wonders what it would be like to go home to england again. She’d like to live in a cottage in a small town by the sea. the man would get home from work at 6 o’clock, like people used to in the olden days, and then the two of them would walk to the pub and drink warm, flat beer. perhaps afterwards they’d buy chips and eat them on the pier, watching the waves. on sundays they’d read the papers in bed, then roast some beef for friends.

enidd wonders if she’d be happy with this forever, or if she’d get bored and want to travel again.”

and now enidd has been back in england for nearly five years. she lives in a terraced cottage in a small town by the river thames. the man gets home from work at 7 o’clock, but they don’t walk to the pub, drink beer and eat chips because the man is now thin and fit, and they are trying not to drink in the week and not to eat out either, especially not anything as high carb as chips. what happens is, they go to the gym, they work, they stop working, they eat a salad meal from a bowl watching the tv and they go to bed. 

on sundays they do read the news in bed, thought it’s on their iPads. sometimes they roast lamb for friends, and sometimes their friends roast beef for them. they eat in a restaurants, or with friends, or friends eat with them. they visit family, or family visits them. sometimes it’s sunny, and they have to go cycling. sometimes there’s a film on that neither of them hates too much, and they watch that.

the dentist tells enidd – try to brush more, try to brush like this, try to floss twice a day

the doctor tells enidd – try not to eat dairy, try not to eat too much fat, watch your cholesterol

the trainer tells enidd – try more reps, try a heavier weight, try to eat a low fat diet, try harder

the physio tells enidd – try do 360 heel drops every day, try it with weights on your back

enidd is tired of trying. always trying and never succeeding.

enidd would like to be thirty again, and not have to try so damn hard.

sometimes enidd wonders what it would be live to live abroad again. she’d like to live in a big, white house in a bright, sunny country. all the trickier waitrose fruits would grow on tangled trees in her back garden, danced on by impossible insects. the local food would be fiery and fun.

the man would get home from work at eight o’clock, and go straight to his desk to Skype head office. enidd would be lonely again, just like molvania.

but at the weekends, they would have adventures. maybe enidd would feel younger.

enidd wonders if she’d happy with this forever, or if she’d get homesick again.